So as a woman who yo yo's in her weight I have made a commitment to eating healthy. Living Healthy and not looking back. I have realized something about myself.... I am a food addict! Yes I said it, I am addicted to food. My father once told me why do you need to eat the whole bag of chips? Little did he know it was like asking a crack addict why would they shoot the 8 ball? Why not save some for later? Because it is an addiction, and it will drive me crazy until I eat all of it. This is not condusive to wanting to be a size 8 or 10. So I have found that if I jsut don't even take a bit of something that is bad for me then I am able to better say no. What I have also found is people are dead set on making you either eat or try food! Why can they not just take no for an answer and be ok with it. "I am allergic" works well, but at times I have to be assertive and state "I said NO THANKYOU"! So being engaged to a man who is able to eat whatever he wants is also not helpful in trying to lead this new way of life. Daddy as I call him, wanted to go out for breakfast at IHOP because he wanted pancakes. So I agreed to go. Being at IHOP as a food addict is like an alcohol being at a bar! As I sit and look at the endless selection of crapes, pancakes and various choices of cheese and fried foods my resolve is only steadfast due to the time I spent mentally preparing myself prior to coming. Let me explain. So prior to leaving for the resteraunt, I decided I was going to eat 3 slices of turkey bacon so I would not be super hungry when we went and then I decided I was going to have 2 scrammbled eggs with coffee and that was it once we arrived. Had I shown up hungry I would not have been able to control my craving and would have caved and gotten the huge stack of pancakes I so desired.
During our breakfast I watch daddy order a chicken fried steak with hashbrowns and pancakes. He is enjoying every bit while I sit and eat my eggs slowly being in the moment and actually tasting my food. I look around the resteraunt and there are various customers eating mounds of food and I think to myself I wonder if there will ever come a time when I don't feel a twinge of jelously when I see people eating what they want. There are 2 kinds of people in this world when it comes to eating foods that are bad for you, 1. people who can eat whatever they want and remain thin, 2. people who are not concerned about what they look like or how healthy the eat. I know this is a very simplistic way to look at it and there are many more variables, but in my eyes this is the way I see them. I am neither. So I watch families, friends and random people shoveling carbs, sugars and fats into their mouths and enjoying their morning coffee. I wonder if these people think about how many calories they are consuming, if they have guilt after they eat. If they consider how these foods affect their bodies and their health? When they are done eating, most I would bet over eat and leave feeling stuffed as that is what I previously did, they leave their tables with a grandios amoutn of food left. Then I am left with the thought of all the food wasted because people over eat and resteraunts feel the need to serve these large portions to please their customers.
My final resolve while finishing my eggs and sipping my coffee was I need to make sure I put food in my body today which will lead to a healthy existance as I continue through this life. I want to be able to move and function when I am older without the need of assistance which will be met through weight managment and exercise. Please don't get me wrong people can have any kind of food in moderation.... I on the other hand am unable to moderate as I want it ALL!
